and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
