Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
