he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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