im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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