wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
