You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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