also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
