Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
