Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
