Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
