K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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