Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She even gives head with a lisp.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
