Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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