Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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