Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
