Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
