Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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