so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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