her facebook's as public as her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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