did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
