just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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