sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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