you have to choose: penises or morals?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
