I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
