just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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