you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
