I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
