The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
