Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
