brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
