Already got asked if we're dating
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this is an emotional support booty call
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
