i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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