My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
