my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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