that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
