4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
