how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
