He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
be right there i have to get my cape
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
