So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
