I wish I could punch you in the face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
