I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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