I'm passing your future prison.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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