please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
