I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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