I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
