I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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