She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
