she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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