My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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