u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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