just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
