im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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