dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
