Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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